Apologies to my blog fans

I KNOW! I KNOW! I don't blog enough. This business of only posting once every couple of months has gotta stop!  I'm trying though! Even though we have a new puppy, I've just sort of lost my zest for blogging when Alexis died, because after all this blog was inspired by her and mostly about her. It's kinda like crashing your car and you get a new one;  sure, you're happy with the new one but that nostalgic disappointment looms in the background over the old one.  But now with Elvis puppy I'm trying to get back to my Wonderful Life, even if wonderfully slow. I've been feeling pretty good lately but I do still think of Alexis every day! Every night when my head hits the pillow I say "good night Folena Phalandri" ... which if you've been following my blog since the beginning and you read the crazily-thought-provoking Whats In A Name  post you'll know who Folena Phalandri is.  For those of you that are new to my blog, you'll have to scroll back in time to catch up. Go ahead, we'll wait. Meanwhile, I'll work on some posts. See ya soon!

Baby Boy Elvis

It's been about 3-1/2 months since we got our Doberman puppy, Elvis and it's been quite a ride so far. The first 2 weeks were pretty darn easy; too easy! It led me into a false sense of security that we had a magic puppy, kinda like those magic Jack And The Bean Stock beans.  He (Elvis, not Jack) was pretty mellow and well behaved (which is typical for any dog in a new setting; you won't see their true personality right away until they settle in). We didn't really work on any training; we just wanted him to be a DOG for the first week or so before the "Amy's no funny business" rules kicked in.  The weeks that followed however were a bit hellacious for me. Keep in mind that I'm raising a puppy while trying to keep 8-10 dogs in-check with daycare, two of which where young pups also so I feel a bit like the old lady who lived in a shoe...She had so many children she didn't know what to do! At one point i literally threw myself on the bed screaming at Dave like a toddler having a fit "I can't do this anymooooooore!"  (oh such a drama queen) I hadn't raised a puppy in 13 years and quite honestly I had put Alexis on such a freaking high pedestal that she could have touched the clouds. In my delusionally perfect relationship with Alexis i totally blocked out how much trouble she gave me as a puppy. I remember now!

Once we did start training him I was a little concerned that I got the stoopidest puppy in the litter. It was taking him the longest time to learn the most basic commands like sit and down. Not having raised a male doberman before, I consulted with the breeder and she confirmed that the boyz where not quite as sharp as the girlz in the puppy world; (kinda like how it is in the human world DOH!) So training will take a wee bit longer with this dog, that's all.  But on the flip side of females being smarter, they tend to be bitchy and boys are more friendly. Ain't that the truth...in the dog world AND people world. (Hey it's equal opportunity bashing here folks) Elvis was living up to that; nothing but a love bug. He loves people.  All people! He loves dogs. All dogs! He loves everything! A little too much; he gets so excited to see people that he just goes bonkers and knocks them around in his excitement. So, yeah, this is gonna take a while...And every ounce of patience I've got!. 

Baby Pictures

5 weeks old ... so freakin cute!

9 weeks old, car ride to his new home

First day of daycare

The boy loves boxes, what can i say!?

Trip to Houghtons Pond, Canton MA

Time to move on

There's no turning back now...we are picking up our new doberman puppy tomorrow! Not gonna lie, lots of mixed emotions going on. Not really sure why but I try not to question emotions; i just let them ride usually. They have a way of working themselves out most times. It's been quite the roller-coaster ride for both Dave and I. Losing Alexis was next to impossible for me and losing Annabelle was especially hard on Dave, who never really got over losing Cornelius.  But the universes wheels were in motion and it was about to take us for a ride. 

Alexis' breeder Kris, just had her first litter of pups in five years so I wanted to go see and play and get my dobie fix. Dave, however, had other plans unbeknownst to me. Now there's a funny word; un-be-knownst! Anyway....Dave and I agreed months ago that it was his turn to pick the next dog and some time after that we would get me another Doberman. We also agreed that we would get in one more trip before we got another dog. However, apparently Dave and the universe had other plans. We had lost Alexis a little over a year ago and just lost Annabelle in May and we were dogless for the first time in our nearly 20 year marriage. I had all my daycare and boarding dogs so i got my regular dog fix and could easily fulfil my end of the bargain and wait til next year to get another dog. Dave on the other hand was really missing having that connection with a family dog.  Try as I may to come running to the door, jumping on and licking him, it just wasn't the same and he missed having a dog greet him at the door every day after work. So, little-did-i-know (the cousin to unbeknownst) that when I told Dave we were going to visit said litter of puppies he already had it in his head that we were getting another dog. So we went, we saw, we played with the pups for two hours and even hypothetically picked one out all the while knowing (ha!) in my head that we weren't ready for a dog. Imagine my shock and amazement after playing with seven of the cutest little five week old doberman pups when Kris said "so are you gonna take him?" and just as I'm about to say we'll think about it, Dave gave her an unequivocal, without hesitation "YES."  I was like what-what-WHAT? I must have asked him "are you sure" a hundred times! He was sure. I took a little bit of convincing but once I was on board I was all aboard.  We were getting a puppy and his name would be ELVIS. We'd be able to take him home when he was 9 weeks old.  I was thrilled and excited. Every day was filled with anticipation like a little kid waiting for Christmas to hurry up and just get here already! UNTIL, that is we went back to visit him a few more times and I saw how rambunctious and multi-directional these pups were and they were nothing like my more docile, perfect Alexis as I hold her up there on her proverbial pedestal. I realized, jeeeeezus I haven't had a puppy in 13 years, what the hell am I doing? I've been stressed out about it for the last week worrying if I have it in me to raise another dog, worrying if we'll have the same connection that Alexis and I had, worrying that he'll hate me like Annabelle did. Worrying that I'm stomping on Alexis' memory by getting another dog.  Well I guess stressed out is putting it mildly, more like FREAKING out. UNTIL yesterday...

I have a few dogs boarding this week and for the most part they are confined to the kitchen and playroom with a baby gate and not allowed to roam the rest of the house but once in a while I'll let one in the living room with me. (sshhhhh don't tell Dave) Yesterdays lucky visitor was Remy. I sat on the couch watching my soaps (Bold & The Beautiful and Days of our Lives if you must know) while Remy sniffed around the room and eventually came over and settled by me next to the couch in that wiggly "oh please just touch me" way he has. I draped my arm around him. As long as I was touching him he was happy. And then I knew, this is how it's going to be with Elvis. We will be connected. He will love me.  Remy only boards once or twice a year and this was a very unexpected, last minute visit. I'm a firm believer that God doesn't bring us what we want, he brings us what we need when we need it. I really needed Remy to be here just before we got our pup to show me what I'm missing and to look forward to what will go right with the new pup instead of worrying about what could go wrong.  

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming

'Had a hard time naming a title for this post. Any of the ones bouncing around in my head that were fighting each other for the prized spot could have worked;  "Getting back on the horse" ... "Taking the plunge"  ... "OMG OMG OMG OMG"   Why all the angst you ask? Because we just picked out a new puppy, THAT'S why! It's been a year and three months since we lost Alexis and only a little over a month since we lost Annabelle so moving on has been emotional to say the least.

Alexis' breeder had a new litter for the first time in five years and was doing a litter showing yesterday so we went to see the pups. Just taking a look! Just browsing! No intention of picking one out but if it happened, it happened. But apparently there were other forces in the universe that I knew nothing about and it's name is DAVE.  He had been missing having a dog around but our agreement was that he got to pick the next breed and I would wait my turn and hold my horses for another Doberman. I was perfectly fine with that.  We had also agreed to wait til next spring and try to get in one more major trip before we hunkered down with dogs again. Both of these agreements fell apart like signing a contract with a minor.  The puppies were adorable. DUH! that's redundant. Of course they were adorable. It's like saying supermodels are pretty. It doesn't need to be said. So we played these no-need-for-description puppies for about two hours...well it was more like we got licked and crawled on by seven adorable little 4week old puppies that smelled like puppy feet and newspapers. Oops redundancy again, sorry! There was one red male in the bunch and he was the sweetest cuddliest little thing. He kept climbing into my zip sweater to cuddle. But MAN was he a whiner! He whined the whole time. He whined as he sat on the ground. He whined when he walked around. He whined himself to sleep. He even whined that there was nothing to whine about. I would have picked him but whining is one of my many doggie pet peeves and i think he would have driven me absolutely batty!  Then there was this other black male who seemed pretty quiet and calm, liked to be picked up that seemed to stay by my side much of the time we were there. So after handling all of the pups and hanging out with them getting to know them I picked this little guy. I think he picked me before I picked him but that's ok.  He even agreed to it by peeing on my foot.

One Year Later

Sunday will be a year since Alexis died. There I said it. One whole year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8,766 hours. 525,600 minutes. 31,556,925 seconds. Count it out however you want Google, for me it's been an eternity in hell yet somehow seems like yesterday that I watched her die. Quite possibly the toughest year I've had in a long time, if not ever. I've lost many people and pets in my lifetime and I always bounce back. Always! But Alexis was special in so many ways for so many reasons. For starters she was my very first doberman that I raised from a puppy. That's no snub to Tzeal that I adopted some 20 plus years ago and all the Dobies I grew up with. Second Alexis and I were so deeply connected that I swear she could read my mind. No, really! I could be in the other room and call to her mentally and she would come. Or I could be laying in bed and her across the room on the floor and i would quietly reach out my hand and mentally call her and she would awake and climb into bed with me. (Ok crazy Amy tell us another one!)

I finally feel like I'm coming out of the grief-fog that has enveloped my life like mist on a swamp. I dont cry EVERY day anymore. Although it wouldn't take much to get me sobbing (one of "our songs") or teary eyed (seeing someone walking their Dobie down the street). I dont think of her every single second; more like every other minute. I don't quite feel anymore as though this has been a really, really long bad dream. My words are trepedatious. I dare not say I'm over it, not over her. That won't happen for a long time, if ever. But atleast I feel like I'm moving on and letting go even if just a little bit. I wonder what this time next year will feel like?

I often wonder if i got jipped or lucked out with the way she died. Although she was almost 12 years old when she passed, you'd never know it. She was otherwise healthy, active, vibrant and youthful. No arthritis, not much gray in her muzzle, no chronic illness that would normally bestow an older dog. People and veterinarians could not believe she was nearly 12 years old. They always guessed around 5 years old. I loved to play that "guess how old she is" game! Her vibrance was my greatest accomplishment. I'm so used to watching my dogs grow old and feeble, using up every drop of life that was left and then taking them to their final sleep when the time was right and be left with that feebleness as the last memory. That's how it was always done. That's how it's SUPPOSED to be done. I don't know if watching her fade away would have been any easier than her sudden departure but I do know that Alexis will always be young. She will always be beautiful. For that I am greatful.