There's no turning back now...we are picking up our new doberman puppy tomorrow! Not gonna lie, lots of mixed emotions going on. Not really sure why but I try not to question emotions; i just let them ride usually. They have a way of working themselves out most times. It's been quite the roller-coaster ride for both Dave and I. Losing Alexis was next to impossible for me and losing Annabelle was especially hard on Dave, who never really got over losing Cornelius. But the universes wheels were in motion and it was about to take us for a ride.
Alexis' breeder Kris, just had her first litter of pups in five years so I wanted to go see and play and get my dobie fix. Dave, however, had other plans unbeknownst to me. Now there's a funny word; un-be-knownst! Anyway....Dave and I agreed months ago that it was his turn to pick the next dog and some time after that we would get me another Doberman. We also agreed that we would get in one more trip before we got another dog. However, apparently Dave and the universe had other plans. We had lost Alexis a little over a year ago and just lost Annabelle in May and we were dogless for the first time in our nearly 20 year marriage. I had all my daycare and boarding dogs so i got my regular dog fix and could easily fulfil my end of the bargain and wait til next year to get another dog. Dave on the other hand was really missing having that connection with a family dog. Try as I may to come running to the door, jumping on and licking him, it just wasn't the same and he missed having a dog greet him at the door every day after work. So, little-did-i-know (the cousin to unbeknownst) that when I told Dave we were going to visit said litter of puppies he already had it in his head that we were getting another dog. So we went, we saw, we played with the pups for two hours and even hypothetically picked one out all the while knowing (ha!) in my head that we weren't ready for a dog. Imagine my shock and amazement after playing with seven of the cutest little five week old doberman pups when Kris said "so are you gonna take him?" and just as I'm about to say we'll think about it, Dave gave her an unequivocal, without hesitation "YES." I was like what-what-WHAT? I must have asked him "are you sure" a hundred times! He was sure. I took a little bit of convincing but once I was on board I was all aboard. We were getting a puppy and his name would be ELVIS. We'd be able to take him home when he was 9 weeks old. I was thrilled and excited. Every day was filled with anticipation like a little kid waiting for Christmas to hurry up and just get here already! UNTIL, that is we went back to visit him a few more times and I saw how rambunctious and multi-directional these pups were and they were nothing like my more docile, perfect Alexis as I hold her up there on her proverbial pedestal. I realized, jeeeeezus I haven't had a puppy in 13 years, what the hell am I doing? I've been stressed out about it for the last week worrying if I have it in me to raise another dog, worrying if we'll have the same connection that Alexis and I had, worrying that he'll hate me like Annabelle did. Worrying that I'm stomping on Alexis' memory by getting another dog. Well I guess stressed out is putting it mildly, more like FREAKING out. UNTIL yesterday...
I have a few dogs boarding this week and for the most part they are confined to the kitchen and playroom with a baby gate and not allowed to roam the rest of the house but once in a while I'll let one in the living room with me. (sshhhhh don't tell Dave) Yesterdays lucky visitor was Remy. I sat on the couch watching my soaps (Bold & The Beautiful and Days of our Lives if you must know) while Remy sniffed around the room and eventually came over and settled by me next to the couch in that wiggly "oh please just touch me" way he has. I draped my arm around him. As long as I was touching him he was happy. And then I knew, this is how it's going to be with Elvis. We will be connected. He will love me. Remy only boards once or twice a year and this was a very unexpected, last minute visit. I'm a firm believer that God doesn't bring us what we want, he brings us what we need when we need it. I really needed Remy to be here just before we got our pup to show me what I'm missing and to look forward to what will go right with the new pup instead of worrying about what could go wrong.
