So today was the big day; 2 years since Alexis died. I actually did ok with it (surprisingly). Making the memorial video was very cathartic. There's something about playing (over and over while you rework the video) the song that makes you weep in pile on the floor. By the time the video is done, you're all cried out and you've practically rendered the song useless. Practically! I think all the build up to the anniversary day is what gets me all worked up. I'm making a conscious effort to move on and get back to happy. It's hard though because moving on means letting go and letting go means you start to forget things and I dont ever want to forget any single aspect of her. Holding on means she's here with me, not really gone. I dunno sounds kinda stupid but I think that's why I've been holding on to my grief for dear life for two years. If I let go, she's really REALLY gone. But I'm sick of being sad to be honest and I need to be fair to Elvis to let him take up a place in my heart. I need to be fair to myself too. I need to be fair to Dave who's been putting up with me.
(unfortunately blogspot won't let me upload my video tribute WTF)
